Keep Far From the Forbidden Woman

Sermon Transcript

If you’ve been with us for any of the past several weeks, today’s sermon may have an element of deja vu. Didn’t we just talk about the dangers of adultery and sexual sin just last week and a couple of weeks before that? Yes we did. Then why are we doing this again? Can’t we pick another topic? Well no, because that’s just the text of Proverbs that has come up for this week.
You see at Citylight we do a type of preaching called expository preaching. That’s when you let the main point of the Bible text drive the main point of your sermon. And it usually involves the idea of going through the Bible one book at a time and one passage at a time. And when you do that, well sometimes the Bible is going to cover the same topic more than once. And when it does, you just roll with it! Because you trust God, who’s way wiser than us and wrote His word just the way he wanted to.
[can skip] The opposite of this kind of expository preaching is topical preaching. That’s when the preacher or pastors or whoever choose the topics in advance and then they (hopefully) teach what the Bible says on that topic. Now there’s nothing totally wrong with that approach, we do it ourselves occasionally, but the only problem with topical preaching is that the preacher is the one in the driver’s seat. He decides in advance what to preach about and what the people need to hear. And so guess what, you’re naturally just going to emphasize some things and downplay some others. I will tell you one thing, you’re probably not going to pick sexual sin as the topic for three out of four of your sermons!
So, why are we doing another sermon on this topic? Simple: Because God the Holy Spirit wants us to hear it. Friends, let’s not try to be wiser than the Holy Spirit. Sexual sin and temptation are so pervasive, so universal, so deadly and corrosive, that frankly, we could probably all stand to hear another message on it. The Spirit apparently thinks so. So here we are.
So my job as the preacher is, first, to just faithfully open up this text to you, same as every other week, but second, in a case like this when there’s been multiple passages on the same topic, my task is to show you what’s different about this text on sex. How is this different from, say, Proverbs 5, or 6, or what have you? Because there are a few things that are different.
Now, we like to give you the “big idea” because that’s actually the most faithful way to teach what God’s word says. Every section of Scripture has a main point and we try to get that across in the Big Idea. In this case, the big idea comes from v. 5: Before that it says to basically treasure, highly value, love wisdom, and v. 5 gives the specific reason: to keep you from the forbidden woman, from the adulteress with her smooth words. Everything else in the chapter is tied to this theme, so the big idea is: Keep far from the forbidden woman.
Now if you’ve been here before when we’ve preached on the other texts, you know that when Proverbs says “the forbidden woman,” it can definitely mean a literal woman who is not your wife and whom you should keep far from. But that’s not all it can mean. But it’s also a stand-in for any type of forbidden sexual situation. If you’re female, reverse the genders. If it’s not a real-world person you actually know that tempts you, then fill in whatever situations or activities that are sexually tempting for you. Basically the Bible presents God’s glorious standard of marriage between one man and one woman, and intoxicating sexual fulfillment within that covenant bond, but outside of that it’s all wrong and it’s all deadly. God loves sex, he created it, but just like a fire is awesome in a fireplace but catastrophic when it’s not, sex is awesome in marriage but pretty catastrophic outside of it. And on some level we all know that because we’ve all experienced the catastrophe.
So the Big Idea is Keep far from the forbidden woman. That is, keep far from any sexual situation apart from marriage between one man and one woman. You’re probably wondering, “How?” The text tells us! If you’re following along in the ESV Bible, you see that it breaks down into 5 sections. Since that’s what the text does, that’s what this sermon will do. Don’t worry, you guys can handle 5 points. I believe in you. Keep far from the forbidden woman. HOW? Here’s the answer: Marry wisdom (1-5) Don’t look for trouble (6-9) See through the lies (10-20) Know it will destroy you (21-23) Don’t start down the path (24-27).
Let’s get into it.
1. Marry wisdom (vv. 1-5)
“Marry wisdom,” that sounds kind of strong, where am I getting that from? Let’s see. Verses 1–3 are pretty similar to things we’ve seen elsewhere in Proverbs so far: My son, keep my words and treasure up my commandments with you; keep my commandments and live; keep my teaching as the apple of your eye; bind them on your fingers; write them on the tablet of your heart (Proverbs 7:1–3). We’ve seen these things before. What it’s saying is, treasure God’s words of wisdom. Write them on the tablet of your heart. You know what that’s like? That’s like saying “tattoo them on your heart.” People who get tattoos do that because there is someone or something really important that they want to remember for the rest of their life (at least let’s hope so). But this is saying spiritually tattoo God’s word on your heart. Be so 100% committed to God’s word that you’ve memorized it and treasured it in your heart.
But the next thing, v. 4, is something we haven’t heard before: Say to wisdom, “You are my sister,” and call insight your intimate friend (Proverbs 7:4). Proverbs hasn’t used this language before. This is new. What does it mean? Well, it’s definitely the language of intimacy. Commentator Bruce Waltke says this about these verses: “‘You are my sister’ expresses at the least an acceptance of wisdom as one’s dear family and probably is the language of love to designate the groom’s commitment to his bride.” Now, you may be pro-wisdom, who isn’t, but what this is saying is different. It’s basically saying, “marry wisdom.” You want to keep far from the forbidden woman? Be so committed to wisdom that it’s like you married it.
What happens when you marry someone? Well, you reorient your life around that person. You get a joint bank account. You live together. You put all the other people off the table. V. 4 says you should be this way about wisdom and understanding. You want to stay far from the forbidden women? Be intoxicated, a bit obsessed, about gaining wisdom. Marry it. How do we do that? Well, the first and best way is Scripture, which contains God’s words of wisdom for all of life. Read Scripture, meditate on it, memorize it. That’s first and foremost. For me, besides Scripture I’ve also been helped by great Christian books that help me to put off sin and treasure Chris. (Desiring God, Precious Remedies). Notice that what this means is, avoiding sexual sin is not just about a bunch of things to keep away from. It’s not just negative. It’s also POSITIVE. The gist is, be so filled up with God and his wisdom that there’s literally no room in your heart for other lovers. We’ll return to that at the end but let’s leave it for now and move on.
2. Don’t Look for Trouble (vv. 6-9)
Verses 6–9 also give us something new and different. It’s like a spy shot of somebody, a young man, who’s acting really dumb and is about to get into trouble: For at the window of my house I have looked out through my lattice, ⁷ and I have seen among the simple, I have perceived among the youths, a young man lacking sense, ⁸ passing along the street near her corner, taking the road to her house ⁹ in the twilight, in the evening, at the time of night and darkness. (Proverbs 7:6–9).
This is the wise father looking out his window, checking on the block like a good neighbor, and he notices a young man who is stupidly going out at night and walking right near the place where the forbidden woman is. This is a picture of all of us, not just young people, who do really dumb things that end up putting us in the path of sexual temptation. And the lesson is, don’t be like him. Don’t go looking for trouble. How do we stay clear from sexual sin? First, marry wisdom, but second, don’t go looking for trouble.
Now, applying this is tricky because the ‘trouble’ is going to come for each of us in different ways where sex is concerned. Nevertheless, here are some ideas. This guy is wandering about aimlessly. So the question is, where are you wandering about aimlessly when it comes to sexual temptation? Where are you just drifting, putting yourself into unwise situations?
It’s kind of well-worn ground but very true that men and women tend to be tempted by different types of things. Men tend to be more visually-oriented while women tend to be more relationally-oriented. So men tend to get triggered by visuals while women tend to get triggered by narratives, especially romantic ones. But whatever it is for you, is there anything you are doing right now that you know is needlessly putting you into the danger zone?
For many of you, perhaps especially guys, your phone and internet access are the low-hanging fruit. Think mindless scrolling, especially at night, alone, when you are pretty sure you are going to see something sexual. Instead, you can not do that, or install screen time restrictions, or delete apps that you know will offer sexual content, or install ad-block browser plugins. Most importantly, find someone who can come alongside you and help you in this area.
For others of you it could be books or video games that have sexualized content. A woman on our staff was lamenting that more and more books these days have explicit sexual content, even if the genre is non-romantic. You have to be careful. For dating couples, it means not having a plan for avoiding tempting and compromising situations.
By the way, notice when this happens, “in the twilight, in the evening.” In the Bible there’s just something about nighttime that seems to be more prone for tempting situations like this. He who has ears to hear, let him hear. “Taking on the day with an ordered heart for the glory of God.”
But Jesus said something that goes even further on this point:
“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ ²⁸ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart. ²⁹ If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell. ³⁰ And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell. (Matthew 5:27–30)
Did you see that last part? How radical is that, to cut out your eye or cut off your hand? What this means is, are you willing to give up even a good and necessary thing (an eye, a hand) to avoid sin? Some examples: If internet is causing you to stumble cut it off. If your smartphone is, get a dumb phone. Ouch, right? But do it. Is somebody at your job proving to be a source of temptation? Well, can you change your schedule or even get a different job? Ouch, right? But it’s better than the alternative. Do you want to avoid the snare of sexual sin? Stop doing dumb things. Be willing to give up even good things (like an evening stroll) to avoid it.
Now, I want to speak to the person listening who says “this is just not where I am at right now. I am actually doing pretty well in this area.” That’s great! Here are a few suggestions how to apply this point, and apply the whole sermon, frankly: first, you’re doing well now in the area of sexual temptation. Well, where can you get out ahead of it a little bit? Remember what Joseph told Pharaoh when God revealed there would be a seven year famine? He told him to store up seven years of grain to get ready for it. What “grain” can you store up now for when the famine of increased temptation hits you? What foolish habits can you cut off, or what resources can you build up that will make you more resilient in a more tempting season? Or, how about this, maybe ask yourself, who could I come alongside of, maybe in my Citygroup, who’s struggling, to help them walk the path of purity? Or parents, are there things you can do now with your kids (whatever the age) to set them up for success in the area of avoiding trouble sexually? Those are just a few ways to “not look for trouble” even if you’re actually doing pretty well.
3. See through the lies (vv. 10–20)
But it’s in vv. 10–20 that we really see sexual temptation exposed. The scene that started in v. 6 continues, now we get to see, hear, and even smell the forbidden woman. What’s amazing is how many different tactics she uses to try to snare the guy. In the same way, sexual temptation will try really hard and craftily to get you. But it’s all lies.
First, notice that she’s basically everywhere: “now in the street, now in the market, and at every corner she lies in wait.” (v. 12) This shows that this temptation is basically ubiquitous. Somehow, wherever you look, there it is. For us, the internet and smartphones are the new “street” where you’ve got this content wherever you look. Someone this week mentioned Reels, these short little videos, and you watch one that’s innocent enough but the thing is, you can’t control the algorithm so you don’t know what it’s going to show you next.
But next, see what happens: She seizes him and kisses him, and with bold face she says to him, ¹⁴ “I had to offer sacrifices, and today I have paid my vows; ¹⁵ so now I have come out to meet you, to seek you eagerly, and I have found you. (vv. 13–15). There’s a couple of things going on here. First, notice that she makes him feel special. “Look, I’ve come out here just for you.” Umm, he’s not special, he’s just a piece of meat. See through the lies! This makes me think of the importance of community in resisting temptation. Good Christian community, whether you are single or married, can be a guard against temptation because it’s an environment where you can be accepted and known by others and will be less likely to fall for the false lies of specialness that sexual temptation will whisper to you.
But probably the creepiest part of this is vv. 14–15 where she says I had to offer sacrifices, and today I have paid my vows; 15 so now I have come out to meet you, to seek you eagerly, and I have found you. The word that’s translated ‘sacrifices’ here refers to a specific type of offering mentioned in the Old Testament known as the fellowship offering. And part of the purpose of a fellowship offering was, well, fellowship. After you offered the sacrifice to God in the temple, and the priests got some of the meat, whatever was left over you had to eat it at home. But here’s the catch, you had to eat it quickly and you had to eat it with other people. Do you hear how creepy this is? She’s saying ‘Oh gee, my husband isn’t home, what a pickle. I just made this offering and I absolutely have to eat it with someone today. So either you come home with me and eat this with me right now or I’ll be forced to disobey God. You wouldn’t want that, would you?’ In other words, she’s using God to tempt this person into sin. Do you hear how dark and creepy that is?
Unfortunately we still do this today: “God wouldn’t want us to be lonely.” “God knows you have needs.” “God will understand a little stumble here and there.” “God knows you are generally a good person.” “God has bigger things to worry about.” “God sees you are going through a lot and this is the only way you can be fulfilled.” “God will forgive you.” Do any of these sound familiar? Just like with the woman’s lies, there’s a grain of truth in some of them. But we need to see through the lie…
Verses 16–17 continue with a full-on assault on the senses: [describe the verses; they illustrate how sexual temptation appeals to our imagination. But first, it’s probably not even true. Second, this is another way temptation works… appealing to all our senses.]
[Overall, the way to apply this part is to understand that sexual temptation is lying to you, getting you to give in by overpromising and underdelivering. And what this passage is helping us to do is to see the lies for what they are. What are the lies you’re most tempted to listen to? How are they overpromising and underdelivering?]
4. Know it will destroy you (vv. 21–23)
These verses tell us the outcome, and give us yet another weapon against temptation: see the outcome, which is death.
With much seductive speech she persuades him; with her smooth talk she compels him. ²² All at once he follows her, as an ox goes to the slaughter, or as a stag is caught fast ²³ till an arrow pierces its liver; as a bird rushes into a snare; he does not know that it will cost him his life. Proverbs 7:21–23
Bow hunting illustration: when you get a successful kill with a bow and arrow, the animal doesn’t know it right away. But the wound is mortal all the same. Illustration: “Alone” show with the musk ox – the guy shoots this huge animal with a tiny arrow, knowing it will eventually go down (with a little help), but it takes literally all day, hours and hours. Sexual sin can be like that; Satan plays the long game. Someone told me this week that books and video games can be particularly sneaky, they seem more innocent than a provocative show or social media, but once you are into the series or game it is really hard to not finish even when you are getting the inkling of a problem. Or Reels.
When you’re tempted to go down this path you’re like a deer that stands stock still at hunting season with a target taped to its heart
If you’re thinking ‘yikes, this is bad. How can I avoid this?’ Verses 24–27 show us the way:
5. Don’t even start down the path (vv. 24–27)
²⁴ And now, O sons, listen to me, and be attentive to the words of my mouth. ²⁵ Let not your heart turn aside to her ways; do not stray into her paths, ²⁶ for many a victim has she laid low, and all her slain are a mighty throng. ²⁷ Her house is the way to Sheol, going down to the chambers of death. (Proverbs 7:24–27)
One final way to avoid this? Don’t even start down the path.
The father sums up the advice with one final word of admonishment: “Let not your heart turn aside to her ways; do not stray into her paths.” In other words, don’t even start down the path. A special word to young people hearing this message, and your parents, too: First of all, I sympathize with you. You are up to your eyeballs in a world that is trying to drown you with sex. I grew up without the internet and that was bad enough. I can’t imagine how hard it is now. But second, here’s the thing, and the younger you are the more this applies to you, the habits and patterns you’re forming now will, apart from the grace of God in your life, be with you the rest of your life. That’s just how it works. In many areas not just sexuality. It’s how God made the brain. Ask any older person who struggles with sexual temptation (and that’s all of them) when their particular way of being tempted or acting out got started, they will with almost 100% certainty point to when they were young. So young people, listen: you have literally a once in a lifetime opportunity right now to set yourself up for a lot less sin, pain, and shame and guilt than you might otherwise have for the rest of your life by not starting down the path to sexual sin. Or if you have started, don’t make it worse than it already is. But whether young or old, hear these wise word from John Owen:
The great wisdom and security of the soul in dealing with indwelling sin is to put a violent stop unto its beginnings, its first motions and actings. Venture all on the first attempt. Die rather than yield one step unto it.
Venture all on the first attempt. There is a place in the Christian life for resolution. For rising up and saying No, I will not start down that path. Don’t start down the path.
Conclusion / Gospel
Now, where does that leave most of us? The fact is, all of us have started down the path. Does that mean there is no hope? No way. The ubiquity of sexual temptation should, first of all, remind is that we are all sinners. And if we are all sinners, guess what, we need a savior. And Hallelujah, what a savior we have.
So there is good news for sinners who repent! Jesus came, lived, and died not for perfect people who had never started down the path, but for sinners. “I came not to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance.” Have you sinned and fallen short of God’s glory, in the area of sex or anything else? Have you fallen into the path of the forbidden woman? Or maybe you have been the ‘forbidden woman’ for someone else? There’s good news: Jesus died for your sins! On the cross he took your awful record of sin and rebellion and paid the penalty you deserved. When you turn to him in repentance and faith, God takes your sinful record and puts it on Jesus. And he takes Jesus’s perfect record and puts it on you. And you’re forgiven, made new, washed, made clean. You can be born again today! Jesus is saying to you: Come out. Come to me. He’s not repulsed by your sin any more than a doctor is repulsed by your illness. It’s what he came to do something about. Come to Jesus.
Second, for the Christian who has stumbled or fallen sexually, God is the one who writes your story. And re-writes it, if necessary. You are not just the sum-total of your past sexual sins. That good news for sinners who repent is for you too. Come into the light. Don’t put it off. Freedom awaits you in Jesus Christ. The experience of a clean conscience before God and others awaits you; don’t wait. You know you can’t hide from God and maybe the Lord is doing a work of conviction in your heart at this moment, submit to His leading, etc
Third, and finally, let’s return to something we said at the beginning. Remember when I said that a way to avoid the forbidden women is to marry wisdom? To be so intoxicated with wisdom that there’s no room in your heart for sin? Here’s the thing, and this is for all of us, Jesus Christ is God’s wisdom manifest in the flesh. Jesus is the one who truly loves you, who died for you to bring you to God. He is the one who can satisfy the deepest longings of your soul. And he has engraved you on the palms of his hands, so that you could write him on the tablet of your heart. The best and most enduring way to steer clear of sexual temptation and sin is to be so filled up with Christ that there’s no room in your heart for anything else. You expel one bad desire with a stronger good desire.
in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore. Psalm 16:11)